Friday, August 17, 2012

Florida Update: Still Scary

So this exists: 

no cameras, dude


And it exists because this exist: 




Where there are not only prehistoric looking bugs that attack you, but also outdoor activities: 



I realize I'm from Alabama, but sweet Sam Elliott's eyebrows, Florida, you're terrifying. I can deal with your leathery locals and your awful public education and your absolute refusal to see a meat and three as a profitable lunch option (fucking idiots) and your 80's sports teams relevance and their still tacky uniforms. I really love your beaches, and Miami Vice, and the adorable claim that you're "diff'rent from you other southerners." 

But you are not safe, my friend. Not by a long shot. Wolf spiders and black widows and recluses and gators and snakes that are native and other snakes that you bought at an exotic pet store then released into the wild and now they're all breeding and making SUPER ULTRA MEGA MEGA SNAKES! Not to mention hurricanes and tornados and thunderstorms that often feel like hurricanes and tornados and now this bug. 

THIS BUG THAT CHASED ME INSIDE WITH ITS MANDIBLES OF RAGE.  





3 comments:

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  2. I agree with almost everything, except - what's wrong with our uniforms? Florida State has the sweetest uniforms in all of college football. The spear on the helmet is vicious.
    I do wish we had decent meat and threes.

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  3. i wish fsu would go back to the 1965 uni--- https://www.gridironmemories.com/shop/item.asp?itemid=1001

    the spear is cool, iconic because of the 90's, but this 65 helmet is THE BEST.

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